I can't even afford the air I breathe

I am broke, I am so broke, I am broker than broke! I am so broke I cannot even afford the air that I am breathing. Yes, I am flying out to California for a job, because what I went to school for, what I studied for 3.5 years, and what I have ALL of my experience in, is available in surplus in San Diego! But I cannot even afford my own plane ticket or to drive my car, which would be very helpful in SoCal, to get there.

I totally got myself in quite the pickle, and man am I learning a lesson. I don't ever remember not being bailed out somehow when this situation has approached me before. I never ask my parents for money. Okay, I did once, when I was enrolling in summer classes between my sophomore and junior year, and they were not able to give it to me, so I borrowed from a close friend- don't worry, he got his. But really, my parents always just happened to give money when I was in a tough spot, I never asked. My brothers ask all of the time. Really... I think I'm too prideful to admit when I need help. I'm a "do it myself" kind of girl... maybe that came from growing up in a house full of boys, being the baby and the only girl, I felt like I had to be overly self-sufficient. My father could probably tell you the date of the day I started to do things on my own, "You were responsible since the day you learned to walk," he tells me. It was probably because I felt as if I could not trust anybody except myself.

So yeah.. this last year I have totally been learning to trust in God, even with my finances. I began to tithe and in August '08 when I quit my job for family stuff and did not find a new one until October, God totally provided. I never missed a car payment, I did not even have to reduce it, somehow I got a enough babysitting jobs or sold enough gold to make it. Then I got a job in the nick of time and began a plan to pay off some debt. Things were great, I was living within my means and the bills were getting paid. Then in late January '09, I lost my job... had to replace some stuff on my car, had unexpected bills from collections agencies showing up and WHAM! I saw the date... I saw the date of the red zone coming, I called it! Mid-March, I knew it!! And I did nothing to prevent it. I had Australia in my mind, San Diego calling, but I wanted to be in Michigan, and thoughts of finishing my degree. I had so much going on, my mind was overwhelmed. I slept because I was so depressed and felt powerless. When I did manage to wake up at a decent time and post resumes to websites, I received a ton of sales jobs and stay at home business' and blah. Then from great coaching someone said to me, "Take one step at a time and God will begin to close doors for you." So I found out I am so close to finishing school, and applied to more hospitality focused jobs in Michigan and San Diego. However, my finances were still declining at a rapid rate and I found myself saying, "God, where were you on this one?! Come on, I needed you!"

I pray a lot, and every once in a great while, I do pray to get out of debt, for money to just magically arrive (jokingly ;-P). So I as I ask Him, "Where were you?!" I am reminded... I don't exactly remember asking Him for help. "I got myself into this mess, and I will get myself out." ...Pride always comes before the fall.

I remember at Snow Camp, Pastor Joe Hays preaching about, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6:21 and he challenged us for 30 days to focus on Loving God and Loving Others. To reflect where are treasures are and refocus to make sure our heart was with God. So as I think about where I spend my money, my time, and my energy I am in awe. I definitely have some priorities to rearrange there.

A couple of days ago I was listening to Pastor Marvin Williams sermon about "Ask, Seek, Knock," based from Matthew 6:11-12- "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." I love that sermon; you can download the podcast from Ada Bibles website. At the end of the sermon, Pastor Marvin challenges us to for 30 days focus on something that may be going wrong in our lives. With a "pray without ceasing" intensity. (Wow, I really have realized that I cannot do this alone. I am definitely being humbled and asking for help. I need to get out of debt! I need to be able to afford to live and support myself! aaahh!)

So now that I see a major area of my life that needs fixing is financial wisdom and discipline, I want to spend the next 30 days totally focused on changing the way I think about money. I want to look at money and use it for what it was meant for, as a tool! Not to make it my master and cause me stress. I also don't want to look at money as... "oh , God will provide." I realize now that with anything in life, God is there, but I am still responsible for myself. I do need to have specific intent, and actions to work with my faith.

About a year ago I did read a book called, "God's Plan for Your Finances" which was really good; I was able to put somethings into action, such as tithing. Maybe I should re-read it. One of my biggest weaknesses is memorizing scripture... I love how in the Bible it talks about storing scripture in our hearts. So in the next 30 days I plan to memorize a verse on finances per week. This week is, "The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." -Proverbs 22:7

For those of you who may have more experience with financial wisdom than I... any encouragment or any tips you use that work well that I may be able to apply to my life? Any Bible verses that help you? I would love to hear from you!