Call Me Anything but Lonely

Call me anything but lonely
Through a stone disown me
Let'em know I'll never, ever be the same
'Cause they all head on home in the morning
Get on gone when it's storming
Let'em know I'll never kiss it all away
When the morning sun comes
You'll know I didn't run
'Cause when the rain came
It still never changed
Through the laughter and the tears
The pain and my fears I'll stay, I'll wait right here
These scars upon my sleeve
Won't get the best of me
You've had yours and I've had my own defeats
This heart upon your sleeve
I'll tread gently I won't rush in and run away on a breeze
When the morning sun comes
You'll know I didn't run
'Cause when the rain came
It still never changed
Through the laughter and the tears
The pain and my fears
I'll stay, I'll wait right here

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Above are the lyrics to a new song by Mat Kearney (click the title of the post to listen). I love this song. I have had amazing people come to my life in the last 7 months, not to mention an amazing relationship with God grow in the last 7 months as well. It is by these relationships that I have been able to fight in the trenches; laugh and cry through the pain. Thank you to everyone! Hopefully you know who you are, and you know why I am thankful for you. I hope I tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. Forgive me if I haven't said it in a while, but I am so incredibly grateful to have YOU, who is reading this right now, in my life!! I love you.

In the last week I was able to practice beautiful patience with perseverance. As you all know I flew out to San Diego pretty much over-confident of the job I was interviewing for thinking it was in the bag. I flew in Wed, had a four hour interview with three different people that same day, was told they would call me the next day... they didn't. So I went Thrus-Sun relaxing, meditating, planning my next move. Thursday I called the Hyatt, left a voice mail. Friday I e-mailed the Hyatt. Monday I applied to two other hotels and random office jobs; I walked out of Monday with an office job $8/hr part to full-time (better than Pietro's!). I worked Tuesday morning, e-mailed the Hyatt that afternoon to let them know I now have a full-time job, 30 minutes later they called to set up my final interview for Wed.

At this point I am pretty frustrated, but lackadaisical at the same time. I want to work for a company that respects my time, that calls when they say their gonna call, even if it is just to say, "We will have to push back the interview." Anyways, I had to tell the office job I couldn't work Wed because I had an interview. I walk into the Hyatt and first meet with an HR manager. He let me know that the job was a union position. This is kind of scary for me.. I know there are a lot of benefits to being part of a union, but I always hear some bad things too. If anything, I get great medical benefits by being apart of the union. Oh, and steady pay raises twice a year. After 30 minutes with HR, I met the GM of Hyatt. He was so super intimidating. I thought the interview went really well. The both of us were really engaged in conversation. I walked out of there so unsure... up to that point I had interviewed with four manager and I walked out of each interview thinking "I got this!" Because the manager pretty much told me I was what they were looking for. I walk out of the interview with the GM and there was no affirmation; he really made me nervous!! He did also say, in a half jokingly way, "You really should finish your degree." I answered, "I'm planning on it." He replied, "No, everybody always says 'next semester, next semester' I'm telling you, you have to just go now or you'll never do it. In fact, if I hire you I require you to go back to school and finish." I kind of liked the fatherly "I'm looking out for your best interest" speech. Normally I hate it, but coming from such a successful person in the industry, it was good to hear.

So three days go by, I had interviewed with another hotel, received a couple other call backs, but the Hyatt is the best opportunity for me. After three days... and no call back yet, I was getting really nervous and Lauren, who works there now was getting really nervous! She went to work on Friday and started asking everyone questions. "Have you heard anything yet? What's going on!?" haha, I love her. Well it worked, cause then all of a sudden one of her co-workers calls her from the break room and said, "Hey your roommate got hired! Her name is on the Front Desk schedule!" Lauren called me, freaking out she was so excited, then said, "You have to act surprised when they call you though!" This was Thursday.

Friday comes and finally at like 6:00PM they call and offer me the position of Front Desk Associate, $13.49/hr full-time (until the fall, then we'll see what happens--but it could be perfect for going back to school), full benefits, after working for Hyatt for a full year I get 12 complimentary nights at any Hyatt in the world. There are tons of other little benefits too, such as discounts on Ford vehicles and with cell phone companies. So yea, here is to the start of a career with Hyatt. I am committing to one employeer... I can actually see a future here. And it is so easy to transfer within the company to other locations. The Front Desk is not the job I came here for, but it is definitely better... and I got it because one manager saw potential in me to "perform at a very high skill level."

I have orientation May 2nd and then the summer will sky rocket from there. I have so much peace being here. I don't remember, ever feeling as if I were in the right place at the right time. My confidence is building in all areas of my life. I still have bad habits I am re-shaping, reforming, replacing with new better-for-me habits. San Diego isn't perfect, but it fits.

Also, last Thrusday I went to a woman's Bible study. The ladies were so sweet. Right now they are studing the different names of God. This weeks lesson was on Jehovah Nissi, "God my Banner" from Exodus 17. It was how God is our standard, our rock, our well-spring, our water to drink. It was a pretty amazing lesson and such a great time to be reminded that as my life may move at the speed of sound, God is my Banner. Call me anything but lonely, God is totally with me! I know this, and I am forever grateful for it. He shows Himself to me through the people I meet, through the beauty of the world around me, through His word, just everywhere.

P.S. Getting a job after living in a new city for 10 days isn't bad... technically it was only 5 because I got the office job first.

Special thank you to Lauren!! I love you and I so appreciate our friendship! Thank you for all of your love and generosity!! Sisters for life!

I'm in a glass case of emotion

SO much has happened since I last wrote. One week goes by and oh my... reflecting and meditating is a must in order to move forward. Maybe I should really discipline myself to do it daily. Okay so, first of all- my finances. My memory verse for the week was Colossians 3:1-3

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on the things above, where Christ Jesus is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

I love this truth. There is an image I learned from my WIW study that helps me to visualize the concept of how God sees me. Imagine God is above looking down on the world and you are holding an umbrella. That umbrella is Jesus, therefore God does not see you the way you look at yourself, He sees Jesus. So then, I think of the concept "be Jesus with skin on." I love that thought. To relate back to finances, Colossians is telling me to "set my heart on things above" --so not on money. That goes back to what I learned previously in Matthew 6:21, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." During this week I came across the book of Ecclesiastes, which told me that money, materialism, things of this world are all meaningless. Pastor Jeff Manion spoke about this in his MoneyWise series, saying "money is an important thing, but its not the only thing."

It was incredible to learn this while I was negative $400+ in the bank, on top of the debt and bills. All of last week I was just trying to get out of the red before I moved to San Diego. In one week, I received so much love and generosity from loved ones, close friends and family as well as complete strangers! It is bone chilling and extremely humbling the generosity of people, and from everyone of them came the message, "God loves you. Remember that always. God loves you!"
God totally loves me... there are so much more important things than money.

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Such as, the impression my family, my friends, my church has left on my heart. People love me. I am not trying to sound vain, by any means, but I left Michigan full of joy and love and peace. I love people and they love me. When I said farewell to my Grandma she said to me, "I will miss you, but as long as you are doing good things I am okay." That night two of my best friends reconciled a four year fight/argument/disagreement/love triangle/whatever you want to call it- to throw me a good-bye party and make sure I had a good time. That was amazing to me!!! Good things are happening with this move.

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San Diego... I love it here! I woke up today and still feel as if I am in a dream. I had a four hour interview yesturday, after a full 24 hours of traveling. I gave the Hyatt everything I had in me. I was so completely raw and real. I realize I do love hospitality, I got to talk about the greek orgin of the word is "love of strangers" (I learned that from Jeff Manion). My first interview, the HR manager stopped me in the middle of sentance to write down what I said so he could but it on his special board. He asked me what upsets me, what gets me angry. I told him, "people who take advantage, especially people who complain and get angry at hotels just to get free stuff. This happens all of the time, and it really is just apart of the job, so I try to remember that I am not here to judge, I am here to serve." That last part is what he wrote down. ... Yeah, I totally learned that principle from the Bible.

That same manager looked at me and said, "I love that you are on a journey. It takes an incredible amount of faith to come here and be so positive after an early morning flight like that." I hear those types of comments about many things in my life, but I always just view it as, "no big deal." I am really beginning to see how I am so different that the people around me... I like it.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:2

The third manager I interviewed with was so encouraging. He looks at me and sees so much potential. He said to me, "I want you to be honest with us about your dreams and goals, so that we can help you get there." I love that, "let's make it happen" attitude. I have visions, I have dreams, but I don't have a map of how to get there... this guy does! I feel a huge commitment coming on here. I could spend some years in San Diego. Sometimes I look at my dreams and say, "I just want that now!" Lately, I definitely look at my life and say, "I want my degree over with.. I don't want to go back to school." I have to remember I am only 22... I know I am exactly where I should be in life right now.

P.S. I love when I talk to people who are not from San Diego, about San Diego they automatically start quoting Anchorman

And the picture above.. All of the electrical boxes in Pacific Beach are painted. I love this one! "Come, Sit, Stay in PB!!" That's what I'm doing.

I can't even afford the air I breathe

I am broke, I am so broke, I am broker than broke! I am so broke I cannot even afford the air that I am breathing. Yes, I am flying out to California for a job, because what I went to school for, what I studied for 3.5 years, and what I have ALL of my experience in, is available in surplus in San Diego! But I cannot even afford my own plane ticket or to drive my car, which would be very helpful in SoCal, to get there.

I totally got myself in quite the pickle, and man am I learning a lesson. I don't ever remember not being bailed out somehow when this situation has approached me before. I never ask my parents for money. Okay, I did once, when I was enrolling in summer classes between my sophomore and junior year, and they were not able to give it to me, so I borrowed from a close friend- don't worry, he got his. But really, my parents always just happened to give money when I was in a tough spot, I never asked. My brothers ask all of the time. Really... I think I'm too prideful to admit when I need help. I'm a "do it myself" kind of girl... maybe that came from growing up in a house full of boys, being the baby and the only girl, I felt like I had to be overly self-sufficient. My father could probably tell you the date of the day I started to do things on my own, "You were responsible since the day you learned to walk," he tells me. It was probably because I felt as if I could not trust anybody except myself.

So yeah.. this last year I have totally been learning to trust in God, even with my finances. I began to tithe and in August '08 when I quit my job for family stuff and did not find a new one until October, God totally provided. I never missed a car payment, I did not even have to reduce it, somehow I got a enough babysitting jobs or sold enough gold to make it. Then I got a job in the nick of time and began a plan to pay off some debt. Things were great, I was living within my means and the bills were getting paid. Then in late January '09, I lost my job... had to replace some stuff on my car, had unexpected bills from collections agencies showing up and WHAM! I saw the date... I saw the date of the red zone coming, I called it! Mid-March, I knew it!! And I did nothing to prevent it. I had Australia in my mind, San Diego calling, but I wanted to be in Michigan, and thoughts of finishing my degree. I had so much going on, my mind was overwhelmed. I slept because I was so depressed and felt powerless. When I did manage to wake up at a decent time and post resumes to websites, I received a ton of sales jobs and stay at home business' and blah. Then from great coaching someone said to me, "Take one step at a time and God will begin to close doors for you." So I found out I am so close to finishing school, and applied to more hospitality focused jobs in Michigan and San Diego. However, my finances were still declining at a rapid rate and I found myself saying, "God, where were you on this one?! Come on, I needed you!"

I pray a lot, and every once in a great while, I do pray to get out of debt, for money to just magically arrive (jokingly ;-P). So I as I ask Him, "Where were you?!" I am reminded... I don't exactly remember asking Him for help. "I got myself into this mess, and I will get myself out." ...Pride always comes before the fall.

I remember at Snow Camp, Pastor Joe Hays preaching about, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6:21 and he challenged us for 30 days to focus on Loving God and Loving Others. To reflect where are treasures are and refocus to make sure our heart was with God. So as I think about where I spend my money, my time, and my energy I am in awe. I definitely have some priorities to rearrange there.

A couple of days ago I was listening to Pastor Marvin Williams sermon about "Ask, Seek, Knock," based from Matthew 6:11-12- "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." I love that sermon; you can download the podcast from Ada Bibles website. At the end of the sermon, Pastor Marvin challenges us to for 30 days focus on something that may be going wrong in our lives. With a "pray without ceasing" intensity. (Wow, I really have realized that I cannot do this alone. I am definitely being humbled and asking for help. I need to get out of debt! I need to be able to afford to live and support myself! aaahh!)

So now that I see a major area of my life that needs fixing is financial wisdom and discipline, I want to spend the next 30 days totally focused on changing the way I think about money. I want to look at money and use it for what it was meant for, as a tool! Not to make it my master and cause me stress. I also don't want to look at money as... "oh , God will provide." I realize now that with anything in life, God is there, but I am still responsible for myself. I do need to have specific intent, and actions to work with my faith.

About a year ago I did read a book called, "God's Plan for Your Finances" which was really good; I was able to put somethings into action, such as tithing. Maybe I should re-read it. One of my biggest weaknesses is memorizing scripture... I love how in the Bible it talks about storing scripture in our hearts. So in the next 30 days I plan to memorize a verse on finances per week. This week is, "The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." -Proverbs 22:7

For those of you who may have more experience with financial wisdom than I... any encouragment or any tips you use that work well that I may be able to apply to my life? Any Bible verses that help you? I would love to hear from you!